the second cup

I’m a shameless perfectionist who can never get his work just right. I’m putting that out there right now, and while it’s true, I push out my work anyways. Some people can’t bring themselves to actually do that. A lot of people can’t do it, actually, and I used to be one of them. It took a long time and a lot of work to get over that hump, but I eventually managed it. I think it’s completely worth exploring why people do this to themselves and how they can find a way over that wall.

Think about it: if you always have to make your work perfect, you’ll never actually push it out. Why? Because you’ll never get it right on the first hundred times.

There’s a video that specifically comes to mind when I write this that you should watch before you continue on:

So watch it now.

Now, having watched that video, I hope it gives you a bit more comfort in your work. This relates to any passion we have in life, be it cooking, writing, drawing, speaking, and so on.

So, why do we have so much trouble getting passed ourselves?

Because we’re afraid of finishing something. It’s devastating to put a piece of yourself out there and have someone see the flaws in your work.

But here’s the truth of the matter: a flawless piece of work in itself is flawed. It’s the flaws that make the charm. The little quirks and mistakes are the most wonderful part of anything.

Be it an article, or a song, or even a person.

That’s just the way it is.

Flawless works are boring. I’ll use song as an example. A flawless song is polished and scrubbed clean - basically, it’s no longer human.

I don’t read your work and I don’t listen to your songs because it’s clean. I do so because it exposes you. Anything less than that is disappointing.

So how did I overcome my personal perfectionism?

I simply accepted that I was a flawed individual and that my flaws are what makes me who I am.

I am indecisive, curious, and am very prone to bursts of rage (though I take those bursts to the written word these days - as you can tell if you follow me on Twitter - which you should totally do so). This comes out in everything I do, be it writing lengthy articles while intoxicated, writing sophomoric poetry, or programming.

Imagine sitting there, rewriting every sentence again and again until you’re completely satisfied with it - but, by the time you’re finished that first paragraph, you’ve lost all inspiration to actually go and complete the rest of the piece (like I almost did with this article, I’ll be honest).

What happens if the piece you were working on was the next big thing? What if that piece was what could push you into a whole new world of success?

And there you went and wasted all that effort on the first fucking paragraph. Now what will you do?

Well, you need to push it. Finish it. Then go and worry about what people will think. That’s when you need to rewrite and add shit.

Take part in nanowrimo every year, push an article out every week or every day - do whatever it fucking takes! You can’t perfect a product that doesn’t exist.

This goes for poetry, for song, for articles, for programming, for drawing. It goes for products or recipes, too. It applies to everything in your life.

So, learn to embrace the flaws.

You’ll find happiness.

I promise you.

You should let me know what you thought of this article via twitter or Facebook. Seriously. Do it.

(or Baby, Don’t Hurt Me)

Love is funny. We all want it (even the folk who claim they don’t do, they just won’t admit it because it makes them feel fuzzy in their head), but how many of us actually find love that isn’t completely fleeting? We have all had those moments that just seemed perfect and then, poof, it’s gone.

So, what is love? And why does it make us so fucking dumb all of the time?

I’m going to explore this question in my typical fashion (i.e. vaguely personal, with foul language and ranty bits), and hopefully find some truth in the statement - so, that way, you can figure out for yourself if you actually love that person you’re with before you throw your whole fucking life aside for them and end up getting left in the dust.

So, are you ready?

I’m not. But I’m going to try, regardless.

So, What Is It, Really?

Love doesn’t actually exist. Let’s just put that out there. Love is an idea, a combination of emotions that just makes you feel right.

Now, I’ll admit - I am a believer in love (cue the darkness), because I’ve felt it. I’m very partial to the feeling, actually. It is my drive to find a partner. It ends up hurting me and causing me to hurt others in my quest, but, regardless, it’s something that drives me forward.

Now, let’s take a look at a more personal view of the whole thing:

When you’re in love, you feel right. Nothing can harm you, nobody can tell you to be careful, and you’re reckless as sin. You will fight to the death to preserve it, and all you want to do is embrace it.

It’s like a nice whiskey, burning down from your throat unto your stomach.

That’s a really accurate metaphor, actually. If it’s your first shot of whiskey, that burn is fucking scary. Shit, even then, sometimes it’s bitter and unsettling. It’s scary, the whiskey (or love, depending on your thoughts of metaphors in place of the actual context of the article), when you first taste it on a new night.

You shudder, you gasp, and then slowly, you warm to it and then you feel looser and more relaxed with it. You accept it and begin to enjoy it.

(I apologise to any former alcoholics reading this, because I bet this isn’t the best metaphor)

And that’s the perfect moment, right there. When you no longer fear it, because you start to notice the signs that it isn’t going away for some time. Even if it doesn’t last forever, you’re happy that it came at all.

Do you know why?

Because, deep down, we all want that. We want to be accepted, appreciated, and cherished. We enjoy feeling like we’re the sparkle in somebody’s eyes.

We want to make love, and not just fuck.

Say I’m wrong, all you want.

I’m going to stand here and refuse to take it back. Because, in truth, you forget that fucking and making love are millimetres apart from each other, and the only thing that stands between them is emotional satisfaction.

But I’m probably crazy, right?

The Types

I’ve went into this before, with my article on relationships, that there are different types of love to be felt, and I wasn’t fucking around. The differences are subtle but dangerous. You can never be completely sure which is which when you’re in the grasp of one or the other, and this is why we bleed (oh, Brandon, you’re a poet extraordinaire!).

So, what are the types? And how do you tell the difference between them?

The fuck are we waiting for? Let’s explore them!

True Love: This is the shit. This is the one that scares people the most. You feel completely in sync with that other person and they know everything about you. You share everything, you’re completely open, and walls don’t exist.

This is what all other forms of love ate mistaken for, and that’s what makes this one the most elusive of all the others.

This is what we’re all looking for.

Puppy Love: This is the most common one. The one that people confuse with True Love. It’s the most painful one, especially when one is in love, and the other is only feeling puppy love.

You’ll know this by how you feel after not seeing that person for some time. It grows quickly and fades faster.

Be careful with this one.

New Friend Love: This one is weird, because it’s never noticeable internally. We don’t realise it until it’s pushed into our view, and even then, we deny it.

To the outside world, you seem completely and utterly taken by them. But inside, you’re just thinking you’re being an amazing friend.

This is the hardest one to explain, as it crosses a fine line of being in love and being a friend.

But this one isn’t dangerous at all, unless you’re in a relationship with someone and you make a friend like this.

This is that friend you fight about.

Nostalgic Love: Ah, the memories. You felt love for this person a long time ago, and now you’ve moved on and changed as individuals. Regardless, you can’t let go of that feeling.

You’re not in love with this person anymore, though. You’re in love with the person they used to be. You’re in love with the idea.

God knows I’ve felt that.

****:

But How The Fuck Can You Tell?

That’s a difficult answer to quantify. How do you tell? Can you ever just know? Is it fleeting? Will it last? What if I doubt it?

There are probably a thousand more questions that can be asked relating directly to how we can tell if we’re in love or not, but the answers solely depends on you.

Have you heard the terrible things your beloved other has done, and somehow find yourself not caring? How special do they make you feel? Do you look forward to seeing them every day?

See? The list just fucking goes on. And it all ties into loving somebody. At first, you might deny, deny, deny. That’ll fade, though, quickly enough, if it’s the real thing.

But you have to let go of that fear and push through it and you’ll be able to figure out whether or not you actually love them.

I’ll admit, here and now, that I’m perpetually afraid of falling in love. I refuse to admit it until the person I desire admits it, and it’s only after that moment that I will admit it vocally. I might accept it internally but God help me if I can bring myself to say it.

You know what I mean, though, and if you don’t, it’s because you haven’t been able to bring yourself to accept it.

Being afraid to love is a terrible curse. It’s the moment you realise that you’re afraid that you can come to terms with it. It’s that moment and that moment alone where you will know that you can let go of your fears.

It’s that moment that you’re finally true.

I’m backtracking back and forth all the time, but I’m sure that’s not such an issue, because this is terribly difficult to explain!

Everyone has their own idea what love is, and they never agree with a differing opinion.

So what are your opinions? Email ten to me at larocque.brandon@gmail.com or hit me up on Twitter at @VirInvictus

Art is hard.

I think that, in and of itself, is easy enough to understand. The problem is that, sometimes, it feels easy. I look at some things I’ve written and I really wonder how I’ve been able to write so much in so short a time and it bothers me. It comes too easily to me, it feels like, and I’m not sure where it comes from or where it’s going. And I think I have it figured out - but the problem is that when I think I have it solved, I lose it again. Like, right now, I’m feeling emotionally vulnerable.

I have a situation in my life that is leaving me weak, and I’m not sure how to process it. I don’t know how to do what it is that I’m expected to do, I don’t know what to think, or how to act. I feel like I’m an entirely different world and that I’m supposed to just know how to work it. But I don’t, and I think that, maybe, this is the reason I’ve been able to push out so much content in so little time.

I’m going to admit that this is going to be a relatively shorter piece, as I find it’s something much easier to understand - as we all know the pains our hearts give us, and we see the fruit that springs forth from it. This is another piece on creativity. I think I’ve found the spring from which it comes. My poetry is coming back because I’ve found my passion again.

And it’s all thanks to a little bit of mental turmoil.

What I Mean

I’m in a situation right now that causes me to find myself doubting myself. I’m worried that I’m not good enough, worried that I’m not likable, and worried that I’m weak. I’m worried that I’ll do or say the wrong thing and that I’ll find myself in tears by the end of it. I know I’m being extremely vague but, let’s be honest, it’s better this way. I’d rather not burden you with my problems while I could be explaining how through this whole thing, I’ve been able to push myself to become a better writer who actually writes.

And, what I mean is, that when you find something (or someone) that brings a burning passion to your heart, you suddenly find yourself capable of almost anything. You can write a poem in a matter of moments, simply because your heart is speaking true. You can write a blog article about self improvement, simply because having this passion makes you feel like a better person. It’s knowing that no matter how weak you feel, that your heart is strong and you can feel that strength, despite the worries and self-doubt.

This is extremely personal, as you can tell. This is driving me forward.

However…

Art is extremely personal.

The greatest things in the world have been done simply because there was a high amount of passion involved in the project. Consider, if you’re a programmer, you find yourself on a team of coders working on something like a game. And you love games, you’re obviously going to be running on a streak to make the best fucking game you’ve ever made. If you’re a writer, and you find yourself writing about things that interest you, you’re going to push piece after piece out as best as you can, simply because you’re passionate about. Finally, if you’re a designer, and you find yourself building an advertising campaign around a product you sincerely love, that sincerity will come out in the most honest way and you will find a better response to it.

So, find your passions. Even if it’s fleeting, run with it. If you’re not sure, run with it until you find out. If it goes away, it was fleeting. If you’re going for a month strong with no doubts, I’ve little doubt that this is something you’re sincerely passionate about.

Like, imagine you start talking to somebody, and you slowly find yourself becoming interested in knowing everything there is to know about them. And, suddenly, you find that the interest is mutual and you grow together for a few weeks, and intimate words are exchanged - and the passion only becomes stronger - I’ve very little doubt that this is something fleeting, man. And if you can find that kind of passion with a person, run with it.

Do it.

The same goes with any project you’ll ever work on. If you start on a project, and you’re slightly interested in it - but as you learn more about it, you find yourself wanting to know more and more and it becomes something close to your heart: again, not fleeting.

Do it.

However, if after a week, you stop caring so much about this person or this project, then it’s obviously fleeting and your emotions and confidence were running on high. Drop that shit like a bug, good sir, else you find yourself on course with a train crash - and nobody wants those to happen outside of spectators.

This is where inspiration and creativity spring from. That passion. That’s the spring that you need to find. Find it in a person, or a project, or any-fucking-thing that you can possibly imagine because that shit is magical. And you need it. You fucking need it.

Sometimes, though, chasing your passions will only lead to your downfall, so you need to be careful. A person could vanish or become disinterested in you, or the project might get cancelled, or whatever it is that you found dries up and only serves to weigh down on you (despite the fact that your passion is still running high), so you still need to run but watch the streets for oncoming traffic.

In Other Words

Find your fucking passions.

Embrace them.

Even if you fear them.

And you’ll find everything you need to push whatever it is you need to push out.

You’ll find your version 0.1 to ship.

That’s all.

I’ve never understood feelings before.

I remember sitting back and watching happy couples and wondering how they found whatever happiness it was that they found. It’s kind of weird to kind of understand where they’re coming from. I’m not there, completely, but I’m well on my way to understanding it. I look at them now and I smile - I feel for them, and I wish the best for them. It gives me this sense of happiness to see two people finding each other in, let’s be honest, a really shitty world.

I’ll admit here and now that I’m typing this out completely drunk. So I hope I don’t fuck up whatever I’m trying to say here.

This one is about relationships, for what it’s worth. I’ll also throw out the fact that I’ve never had a truly successful relationship. Sometimes, I think I’m afraid of a real thing. Of finding the real thing. I don’t really know. All I know, is that I listen to love songs and smile. I see happy couples and smile.

Where people I know would gag and sputter, I can’t help but feel this inner sense of joy.

It’s so rare that two people can find a home in each other, and, really, I hope that someone can find that home in me.

(i should also probably admit that i’m listening to acoustic country music and i’ve been drinking whiskey all night. bad combo.)

The question we have to ask ourselves is: what does it take to make a relationship long-lasting?

You’ll notice that, thus far, this blog has been about self-improvement, for the most part. And, let’s be honest, a healthy relationship is one of the most positive forces on the planet, if done correctly. So, I’m going to try and describe what a healthy relationship looks and feels like. I could be completely wrong, but I’m drunk and sappy, so this shit can be forgiven.

What A Relationship Is

A relationship between two people is probably the easiest thing to explain in the fucking world: It’s two people who have found enough to enjoy about each other that they don’t want to find happiness elsewhere. Thing is, I don’t find that explanation to be enough. I’d rather drunkenly ramble about what a healthy relationship looks like.

You know that moment when something just feels right? When your lips meet someone else’s and you can’t imagine sharing them with anybody else? That moment when you find yourself so taken that nobody else matters? That moment when you wake up and you think of that person?

Yeah.

You don’t have these feelings about people aside from a few times in your life. I mean, there are moments where you find yourself awestruck by someone or something else, but, if it’s real, these things are fleeting, at best.

Maybe you’re like me, not too long ago. Maybe you see somebody and you just want them to feel beautiful, that you want them to know something intimate. That you fall in love with everybody that walks around you, and you just want to share that love.

I know, I know.

It sounds sluttish, but it’s totally not.

There have been moments in my life where I’ve been there, and I just wanted to find something long-lasting but kept finding myself trying to make someone feel better. And it’s a weird feeling, to feel love for people. Even if it’s not the romantic love.

It’s a love that’s hard to explain.

You appreciate them. You share an intimate moment with them. And you move on.

However, I’m diverting away from my initial point of conversation. This isn’t a relationship. This is a fleeting moment of passion, and we’re not going there. We’re talking about relationships. Remember, though, I’ve rarely met a woman who met every standard I’ve ever put up.

And, sometimes, I wonder if I will ever find that passion in a romantic sense.

Sometimes…

Sometimes, I think I have.

But, it’s hard to discern between what is fleeting and what is long-lasting.

And that’s the difficulty most of us face when trying to find something long-term. And, admittedly, there are a lot of people out there who are not into finding something long-term. Some just want to fuck. Some just want to feel wanted. I think that’s bullshit, but whatever.

A true relationship is something beautiful. It’s passionate, and you can tell there is genuine attraction. And that’s hard to find. You can tell that the two people can talk, even if they don’t necessarily have mutual interests. It just matters on the person they are down below the surface.

You can spend forever with someone and feel nothing. And, god knows, I’ve been there.

So have you probably.

How To Keep It

Keeping a relationship stable is a lot more difficult than people give it credit for. You hear the normal kind of shit, “be honest”, “don’t cheat”, “don’t flirt”. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, ad infinitum. Let’s be honest, for the most part you have to run with whatever situations life throws at you.

I’ve made mistakes. Specifically, five times. That’s how many times I’ve cheated. Out of something like sixty some-odd relationships. Only once was it sexually, but that doesn’t matter. All five times could have easily been avoided by leaving the person when my mind realized it wasn’t perfect for me. I know it sounds harsh, but it’s true.

In some of the cases, it could’ve been easily avoided by something as simple as communication.

And that’s where it counts. Communication. That’s the big fucking key that everyone seems to miss. You always have to be able to talk. If you lose the ability to share what you’re thinking, that’s when you’re in trouble. When you find yourself loathing coming home because you don’t want to talk to that person, you’re better off leaving. Or you can learn to find that spark through something as simple as talking it out.

If that doesn’t work, then you have no choice to leave - because if you find something better, and you’re taken, you can’t pursue it. Or you can, but it’ll leave doubts in the mind of the person you were pursuing while taken.

I don’t know if I’m making sense, but I hope so.

You have to find that place in yourself to accept that person’s flaws.

I know my flaws well enough, but finding someone who will accept my flaws willingly is amazingly difficult. But, I know a lot of people who are willing to ignore it for a short amount of time.

Some days, I wish I could find a woman who carries a sign that says, “I’m exactly what you’re looking for. I’m patient and am willing to accept every one of your flaws.” That doesn’t happen, though. The only way to find out if someone is willing to accept your flaws, you have to do it the hard way and see how it goes.

You have to communicate.

I’m pushing that far too hard, but it’s only me being honest.

There are only two other things that make up a good relationship: sexual attraction and the willingness to meet somewhere in the middle.

That’s it.

Seriously.

But let me explain it a little further.

Sexual attraction is pretty self explanatory. If you don’t find yourself being interested in fucking, then you really shouldn’t be in the relationship. Sex is pretty much mandatory in a healthy relationship. However, if it’s introduced too early, then it’s taken for granted. You have to wait, hold onto it, and introduce it slowly after only so much sexual tension has been introduced into the relationship.

Make it special, pretty much.

There have been far too many times where I’ve had sex on the first day of meeting someone that I really didn’t feel like it was something special. There have also been far too many times where I wanted to enjoy it as much as I could have, but it was commonplace. It was like going to the market, or eating. It was just something happened.

I’ve never had to wait to have sex.

Too many people suffer this problem.

I don’t know if I should blame advertising for this, for how sexual our culture has become, but I have a feeling it really does have an effect on how we are, as a people.

Do we even date anymore?

And, meeting somewhere in the middle… well, that’s almost as important as communication. Let’s go back to flaws, I think, because this is where this point comes into light.

Let’s say you have a hobby that annoys the living hell out of me, like listening to Justin Bieber, and I’m unwilling to cave in on occasion and just listen to that prepubescent fuck, that’ll eventually get under your skin. And then, after some time, if this isn’t communicated, it could eventually become a serious issue.

And, yes, this can happen with something as the fucking music you listen to.

It’s the little things that eventually burrow beneath your skin and bubble up and burst the relationship.

At least, that’s the major contributor to most divorces that I’ve witnessed.

So communicate those differences, but don’t be completely stand-offish if you don’t agree with something someone else likes to do - but be willing to accept it and even participate in it once in a while… and fuck. And take care of yourself to maintain that attraction.

Does Love Exist?

In short, yes.

Love is a difficult thing to explain. It’s that thing that makes your gut twist and gives you butterflies. It’s that thing that will make you put up with any behaviour that, by anybody else, would drive you batshit insane. It’s that thing that makes you smile despite the world around you.

And there are different types of love you’ll find yourself finding: there’s that real love, where you can marry that person and live your entire life with problems and happiness and sadness. The new friend kind, where you meet someone and all you can think of is that person - it’s not romantic, but it’s like a puppy dog crush. It doesn’t last long, but you’ll fight to the death for that person while you’re still stuck in that place.

Then you have that puppy dog love. Like the new friend kinda thing, it’s short-lived, but the passion is strong.

But the only that matters is the first one.

You only learn that through experience. I’m still not sure I’m experienced enough to truly know if I’ve felt that kind of love before. But I have a feeling that I’ll know it when it’s there.

IN SHORT…

Love is a really complicated thing to explain. Especially when you’re drunk.

But I really think that it’s a beautiful thing to feel. And I think more people need to experience it. Too many are afraid of being hurt to allow their hearts to experience it. It’s that fear all over again. And I think people should just give into it. Let their bodies and souls go for a ride. Even if it’ll hurt in the end.

There’s a reason I end up in tears so often.

I may be a flirt, but when I give myself to a person (whether they know it or not), I give it my all.

Maybe you should do the same.

Like me on Facebook if you liked this post. Follow me on Twitter for more of me. And share this post if you agree. Hit me up on either the Facebook page or my Twitter to tell me if you agreed or disagreed.

I’ve never really been a confident person until recently. That’s serious shit. I’m 24 years old, and I still barely realize how much I’ve changed in the last year or so. I used to be (and sometimes still am) completely lacking in self-confidence in myself and being around people. I use words like ‘swag’ and exclamations in practically everything I say to make up that weakness. I know, I know. It sounds completely ridiculous of me to do so, but that doesn’t change it from being true.

I was, and still am, a bookworm and I still feel like I’m that kid in the class who makes straight A’s and the laughingstock of the girls.

I remember, if you’ll forgive me for talking too much of myself, a time where I asked a girl out on a date and she spit on me. That actually pushed me away from actively chasing women for a good many years, and, still now, I do not approach a woman unless I know that there is some mutual interest - do you know why? I’m afraid of being spit on again.

(do you notice a recurring trend in my writing?)

I’m still so very uncomfortable in my own skin some times that it usually takes a good number of shots of whiskey for me to get completely up there, to where I’m completely oblivious to any faults I might have. That, however, is slowly changing.

Now, I’ll get to my topic in just a second, I’m finally growing up for the first time in my life. I’m clean, drug-free, and I’m holding a job. I dropped the punk rock lifestyle and I don’t think that living off of my friends is fighting “the man”. I actually think it’s sort of retarded.

(although, I’ll push it out there that I do believe the music industry is destroying real artist’s creativity and that we should fight them by refusing to buy all of the trash that they push out and support solely independent labels (like No Sleep Records, for example))

Regardless, I’m growing up and I’m starting to see the world for what it really is.

It’s a game. A game you have to play with confidence, or you’ll get stomped on for the rest of your fucking life.

Let me show you the rules.

Rule #1: Play Fair

Now, I think this rule is easy enough to understand, because it’s probably the most well understood rule of the game that we play. Play fair, and don’t fuck around. Don’t do anything to anybody you wouldn’t want to happen to yourself (regardless of whether or not they actually deserve it). Do you know why?

If you don’t, there’s seriously something wrong with you. I’ll explain it, though, because I like to ramble on for hours at a time about everything I can for as long as I can.

You have to play fair because if you play dirty, it’ll come back and bite you in the ass. You’re going to realize that one day - nobody will be beside you fighting whatever fight you’re fighting because they’re going to realize that you put yourself in the mess you’re in and that you probably deserve whatever it is coming to you.

If you play fair, and avoid fighting dirty, and not joining in on a dirty fight, you’ll find yourself being surrounded by positive people who will support you no matter what you do or where you go. And those are the people you want around you. Yes, even by playing fair, you’re going to find yourself having one or two rotten apples - but you can’t avoid shitty people.

I give everybody a chance.

That’s why I have the friends I have. Some of the rotten apples grow out of it. You can still sow seeds taken from rotten apples.

Rule #2: Fuck Negativity

Negative talk is probably the worst thing in the world if you want to find yourself surrounded with the right people.

(you noticing a trend? you can’t be friendless and confident)

I want you to perform an experiment. Walk around whatever city you’re in and listen to people talk and take a look at them. You can generally tell if someone is happy or not simply by hearing their words and seeing their expressions. The one’s out there talking shit - let me tell you - are generally the type who are surrounded by shitty people and are not satisfied with their place in life.

You don’t want to be one of these people.

Look at the happy people (yes, even the creepy happy people who are happy about everything), and see the people they talk to. The enjoyment they get out of things as little as a cup of coffee with people they care about. They’re not spouting off about how terrible it is that they have to wait in line and they’re not bitching about how their coffee wasn’t made perfectly. They’re enjoying the moment, appreciating the flaws that life is offering them.

That’s what you want to be. Even if it sounds kinda lame.

Rule #3: Support The People You Love, Even If You Think They’re Wrong (But Tell Them That You Think So)

The people you love have dreams. They may not make sense to you, but support them. Even if they will crash and burn in the end. If your friend wants to open a business, and you think it’s a bad idea - tell them. But still support them in their dream. Cheer them on. If you think that they’ll go broke, tell them, “Personally, I think it’s gonna end badly - but I’ll be here ‘til the end because I hope it won’t.”

Even if you know it’ll end badly.

Think about it: what happens when they succeed? You’ll be the person who stood by them, even if you held doubts. They’ll respect you for being honest about your opinion, but standing beside them anyways.

Nobody wants to be told their dreams are shit and they will never end well - but they do like to know that even if you think so, that you’ll be there to cheer them on. I know I would, and that’s just a fact.

Rule #4: Say “no”

Say no.

Do it.

A lot.

There are two articles (here and here) that come to mind when I think about this specific rule. They changed my life. I used to feel so guilty about saying ‘no’ to someone I cared about - but now, it all depends on the situation.

If I need to say no because I don’t want to, I say that. I’m not going to half-ass it and say, “sorry, bro, but I really wish I could. Maybe another time.”

Do you know why?

Because they’ll coming around another time and ask me again, and I’ll have to make another shitty excuse and hate myself for not doing it, yet again. So, fuck it. Say no. It’ll save you time and guilt.

Now, if you really wish you could do it - fucking just say you’ll do it but that it’ll just take some time.

Only commit to what you can.

And never do something you really don’t want to do.

That’s just honest.

Rule #5: Say Thank You, A Lot

People like to be recognized for things that they’ve done. That’s only human. So, allow people to feel appreciated for things that they’ve done corrected. However, that doesn’t mean you should go out of your way to thank people for things that they don’t deserve. Thank people for things they’ve done for you specifically, and that’s it.

You know why? Because it gives people a sense of accomplishment that they never fucking earned. And people are greedy fuckers as it is. So don’t go out feeding egos for naught. Let people appreciate your thankfulness, and don’t drown them in it for a specific one-time thing.

Say thank you. Let it go at that. Don’t make them feel like you owe them, even if you do.

If you must pay them back in some way, shape, or form - do so. But don’t thank them again. Even if you want to.

Let them savour the fact that you’ve already copped to a thank you already.

Say thank you, repay the favour, and smile.

Rule #6: Don’t Be That Guy

Don’t be the snarky guy at the bar who brags about how expensive his drinks are, how big his dick is, how many bitches he has, or any of that shit. Grow up. This isn’t Cribs and people don’t fucking care. Do you know how many times I’ve sat in a bar and listened to some sad fucking sap tell a girl how great his life is, how much money he makes, and how he has everything he needs?

I just want to grab him by the scruff of his neck and yell, “Yo, dude, if your life was really so great - you wouldn’t be picking up in a fucking bar. You’d be at home with your fucking wife, eating cheetohs, and getting fat.”

If you need to brag to everybody about how much better you are, or if you need to show people how high brow your tastes are - let’s face it, you’re a shitty fucking person. Nobody likes you and, if they do, it’s probably only because your lifestyle is something they want to be part of, simply to be part of it.

I’m pretty fucking low key. I don’t have a lot of money. I’m not particularly attractive. I don’t have very nice things. But I got great friends and my lifestyle is sustainable. I don’t need much money to live, which means I have money to spend on myself and my friends.

That’s all that fucking matters.

That’s All Folks!

So, in short, that’s all it fucking takes to live your life with a bit of confidence. It will allow you to surround yourself with nothing but positivity and you’ll never find yourself burning yourself with what you choose to do.

So, live life without fear and walk with a bit of swag.

You’ll only go up from there.

Tell me what you think! And like this blog on Facebook!. If you like what I’ve said: share this shit with your friends.

Let me tell you a little story.

It’s somewhat uncomfortable for me to admit to people I can’t see that I’m a fucking pussy. I’ve let my fear control me - sometimes to the point where I’ve been physically sick. Sometimes, it went so far as to stop me from doing what I’ve wanted, despite how badly I wanted it. I know, I know. It sounds sick, and I -was- sick!

No more, though. I live for me now, and, goddamnit, you can too! You can do whatever the fuck you want to do! And you will do it, damn it. We have enough fucking pussies in this world that another fucking pussy will just leave you in the dark, wishing you had a better life than the one you lead.

So, what am I doing about being a pussy?

I’m pushing myself into situations that make me completely afraid. I do things that I tell myself I shouldn’t do. I follow my gut and think later. Sure, sure. Sometimes, I get into a lot of trouble for it. But I’m not dead because of it. I’m not, and that’s what it felt like when I was worried. That’s the big holdback.

I know it sounds like I’m biting another writer’s style, but they probably influenced me to write this post. And the greatest form of flattery is imitation, am I right?

Whatever, though. Feel however you want about it. I took what he said and made it my own, and I’m fucking happy. I bet you wish you could say the same. And if you can, you probably put yourself in the same position, yourself.

Or you’re just really fucking lucky.

Too bad luck doesn’t exist.

Being Afraid:

There’s a lot to be said of being scared, but most of it has been said already and, let’s be honest, most of it means shit to most of you.

I write this as I’m preparing myself for another double flight back to Timmins - leaving Ottawa (a place I’ve grown to love in such a short amount of time) and stopping in Toronto for a good number of hours.

Flying scares me. It makes my stomach ache and my head spin and my heart race and my fingers numb. I know that it’s safe, but I still tremble at the mere thought of it. I know a lot of people feel the same as me about it, so I feel a lot more secure in admitting that.

Now, the thing is is that despite my fear, I’m going to jump on that plane, I’m going to land in Toronto, and I’m going to bum around for a few hours til the next flight out, and then jump on that plane.

I’m going to do it more because I’m scared of doing it than anything else. I wouldn’t mind missing my flight out of Ottawa, I wouldn’t mind staying in Toronto, but I would mind it if the only reason that I wasn’t in Timmins was because I got the shakes from getting on a fucking plane.

So, how often do you find yourself afraid? How often do you give into that fear?

Here’s some homework: do something that makes you nervous. Even if it’s something as simple as going to a bar or a club alone.

Just do it.

Growing Up:

I remember when I was a kid, I wasn’t afraid of anything. I remember jumping off of things I wouldn’t even consider jumping off of. It’s kind of ridiculous, especially considering that I’ve survived everything thus far.

It’s really funny, if you think about it.

We fear heartbreak so intensely that we practically suffer internally for years because we’re so afraid to be hurt. We fear ending a poisonous relationship, thereby slightly skewing our views on relationships, just because we’re afraid to be alone.

We fear leaving a shitty job because we’re afraid we’ll be broke - so we stay in that shitty job and change nothing about it, and just grow so bitter about everything around us.

Have you died because you lost your job? Have you died because someone left you or you left someone? Have you? Have you?

Exactly. You’re still alive, and the world moves on.

What we always fail to realize is that we, while we do suffer (maybe even painfully) for a short period of time, get over it.

So, where do we go from here?

Simply put, we have to take life by the balls and seriously reconsider our lives and the amount of fear we allow to control us. So, what are you afraid of? How often does your fear get in the way of your own personal growth?

Life is hard. Let’s not make it any harder by allowing our fear to become so powerful that it stops a good relationship, that it keeps us locked into something we don’t want to be in, and then allow ourselves to blame it on the world around us instead of what and who is truly at fault: ourselves.

We’re going to have to take a few steps before we can actually outgrow this whole thing:

1: Admit that you’re a fucking coward

That’s step one, and it’s a pretty easy step. We just have to quickly step away from our egos and calmly proclaim, “I, sir, am indeed a coward.” Easy enough, right?

You wish.

Our egos are very powerful, especially in the modern world. We’re told we’re special from a young age, and, let’s face the facts, few of us truly are so special that we deserve to have our names embroidered in the bedsheets of a million other people. We’re just another face in the crowd, and all of us are afraid.

Let go of your ego for a moment, and, even if it’s only a whisper at first, tell yourself until you believe, “I am a fucking coward.”

2: Look at what you’re afraid of, and ask yourself why

Now, the second step is where we get a little more into the depths of what we’re all about, and a lot of us aren’t really sure of what we’re afraid of. I’m not talking, like, deathly fears here. Yes, it’s completely normal to be afraid of death, but it isn’t normal to be afraid to lose your job or your wife or a car or a phone. These things don’t matter, but we act like they do.

So, when I say “take a look of what you’re afraid of”, I mean the fears that, should they come true, would not take your life in an instant.

I say this, and I realize that just earlier I was saying I was afraid of being in an airplane. Yes, if my fear was realized, then I would be dead, but statistically, it’s irrational to fear being in an airplane. It is an odd sensation, but it’s not life-threatening in the sense that an enraged mother bear is life-threatening.

So try to make sense of your fears in this light.

Find out why you’re so afraid of these things.

Are you afraid to lose your job because you feel that making money makes you more powerful? More sociable? Sure, it’s nice if you can buy the whole bar a round of drinks, but maybe you wouldn’t feel that compulsion to drink if you didn’t let your fear keep you locked in such a place that you need a drink in the first place.

(but i wouldn’t mind a whiskey, bro).

Are you afraid to lose your wife because you fear the idea of sleeping alone? What if you take it in another perspective and think that if you are alone for such-and-such a time, maybe you might find the girl of your dreams waiting around the next corner rather than finding yourself sitting home with a woman you loathe or just don’t find yourself at all interested in.

(but whiskey could help you find that dream woman too, though).

Regardless, fear is all about perspective, so take a second look through another person’s eyes (but don’t go believing that you should feel the same about a siutation as someone you know would, because they’re another person entirely with a whole other lifetime of experiences to judge their paths for themselves, and since they don’t know you, they can’t rightly determine the best path for you to take) and review what it is you’re doing and what you’re thinking.

It might just change everything around for you.

3: There is no fucking step three

That’s it. That’s all. Admit that you’re weak and that you allowed your own fear to control your decisions, take a look at yourself and what you’re afraid of and why, and find out how to fix it by looking at the situation in as many lights at you can until you feel good about making a change towards making yourself a happier person.

That’s all there’s ever been. I promise.

I’ve been there. I’ve allowed that fear to control my life. I’ve probably given it more power than a lot of people would’ve been willing to give it (Mind, I’m only twenty-four, and I’m sure there are fourty-some-odd-year-olds who have lived their entire lives like this), but I beat it.

And so can you.

You just have to give it a shot.

So just give it a fucking shot.

You won’t die. I promise.

I always look for inspiration no matter where I go or what I do. Sometimes, it’s incredibly hard to do. I mean, in people, you have yourself an obscure portrait of mixed colours and styles. You’re forced to sit back and try to make out what you can from them and leave the rest to the wonderful fallback of mystery.

That’s part of the charm in interviewing people. They give you an internal perspective on how they work. It forces them to really contemplate what they really are.

And let me tell you: that shit is inspiring.

Now, don’t get me wrong - you’re generally lied to a lot. Even then, though, you’re still left with a story, be it fiction or nonfiction.

Why did they lie?
Why do they deny who they truly are?

Because it’s a story, damn it, and nobody wants to be the lead role in a shitty book! We have to mix things up; stir the pot; fuck shit up; insert other version of that saying here.

So, what, then, is so inspiring about a bunch of liars? Why should we waste our time with people who refuse to be honest about who they are, deep down?

The answer isn’t easy, but let’s discover it together. I’m sure it’ll at least be entertaining!

So, What Do We Do?

So let’s take a deep look in ourselves. Reeeeaaaal deep. Passed the walls you use to hide yourself from the public eye. Those secrets you hold, those secret fears, secret desires. Take stock on what you have there.

It’s scary, isn’t it?

If you say there ain’t nothing there, I’m gonna call you a fucking liar. We’re human, aren’t we? Then, yeah, you have those same things.

We.
All.
Do.

These are where we’ll draw our inspiration from, this is our fountain, our spring. Unlocking these doors and accessing them at will is exactly how we will let loose a torrent of ideas and inspiration.

Either for ill gain or otherwise.

Like, take me for an instance. I’m a very conflicted individual. I have countless dreams, a million wants, and only two thirds of my lifetime left. I don’t want to waste any time being unhappy.

So I draw my inspiration from my hungers. My desires. This is why I’m impulsive. This is why I decided, on a whim, that I was going to Ottawa out of the blue to see a girl. That’s desire. Hunger.

I know it seems like I’m going off topic, but I’m really not. I’m just trying to emphasise a point.

Our hungers, our desires, our impulses, and the sources of our happiness are all the most proficient sources of inspirations. Its just… We deny them to ourselves.

We don’t know ourselves, I don’t think. I think that’s the biggest problem.

So who are you?

Force yourself to honestly answer that question. It’ll teach you something, it will push you to kill your doubts and you’ll find yourself doing things you’ve only ever dreamed of doing.

I could be wrong.

Am I?

So, Where Am I Going With This?

Now, I feel like I’m heading off the dock and diving into a different kind of water than I initially led you to believe I was leading you to.

So where are we going with this?

My whole point is that in order to truly be moved and inspired, you need to know yourself first. You need to understand yourself and be comfortable and confident with yourself before you can even take the first steps to jump into the water.

Once you do that, the world is your fucking oyster. You have nothing but time beyond that.

So, ask yourself who you are. Demand that you be completely honest about the answer, and then write. Once you’re done that, keep writing. Make a 750words.com account and write 750 words every day. Then write something else, and take that one more seriously. You’ll find that, like with meditation, you’ll have, not only a clearer head throughout the day, but a tighter writing style, more clarity, and you will have something truly inspired, truly beautiful.

It doesn’t matter if what you’re writing is a computer program, a song, a poem, or a story. It doesn’t. It’s all part of the creative process, and that’s magical. That’s what really matters.

So, go out there. Be uncomfortable, and inspire yourself.

Hello again, dear friends!

You might have realized (or maybe you didn’t) that I’ve recently deleted every single post I’ve ever made on this weblog. I’m taking a cue from Louis CK in that I needed to recycle my writing and refocus my efforts on making something worth reading. I’m still very much an amateur, but I think that my writing has only grown since I’ve started writing this weblog last year. I think you’ll like it. However, there will be a change in what I write about.

It’ll be cleaner.
It’ll be more focused.
It’ll be more mature.

There will not be as many personal articles written (but that isn’t to say that those will be completely removed altogether), and there will be more replies to other blogs that I appreciate and have the urge to make commentary on.

I will continue to take care of my poetry and any kind of pictures that I enjoy will still continue to be posted (this will soon be moved over to my domain name as well, but I have not done so yet), but this will be something focused. I will also be making an attempting at bringing the design of the site to a more consistent level across the board as I continue to practice my web development skills.

This will not be an immediate shift (it will actually be a very slow change), but it will be happening, nonetheless. I am doubling my efforts on starting a web design/web hosting business and will be spreading my focus from a local effort to a provincial effort (and from there, national - and from there, who knows?).

I am a high-school drop-out working a job doing customer service, so I still need to work 48 hours a week (at least), but eventually, I hope to be able to drop that job altogether.

Things are looking up for me and I hope things are looking up for you. Life is one of those bastards that takes away from you and gives you back threefold. Remember that. Focus on the ups instead of the downs because if it wasn’t for all the downs in the first place, you would have never gotten to where you are.

This is going to be the only post that will be posted immediately rather than being placed as a draft and edited over the course of a few days, so I hope you appreciate the personal nature of this post.

Thank you for reading. I love you.